Tags

, , , ,

Let’s see 2015 bring and end to all of these.

image

“To the Moon and back”,Surely this was cute for,what like 10 seconds, but it is truly time to save such pretentious syrup for our pancakes.
  Jumping quickly, to the political scene, the ridiculous misuse of many words like; racism, sexism, homophobic, bullying and rape, must for all our goods be laid to rest. Silly politically correct rubbish, doesn’t anyone understand that when you misuse or make words too all inclusive you dilute their meaning making them less effective. So please stop repeating every single descriptive you’ve last heard from the media, they are idiots with a political and economic agenda, when you parrot them, you are merely an idiot without economic benefit.
  Two words, “I nominate”, or for that matter, anything with the suffix, “Challenge”, surely the “ALS Ice bucket challenge did a great deal of good to help research a cure for this horrible affliction, but okay enough is enough. I’ve seen it used for every stupid social media from soup, to yes nuts, and it’s just dumb. Hey people, not everything is a challenge people, except for those who overuse these gems maybe originality.
  Cougar; whether used properly or simply used by every over the hill broad to describe themselves and their even less than attractive old bat friends. Originally a term used to describe desperate fortyish divorcees and married women on the prowl at hotel bars for some hopeless young fool to satisfy their sexual needs. It has now, as so typical in our society become a term of endearment, that dumbass bubbleheaded women call themselves and their friends. There is or was even a TV show starring that skank Courtney Cox, nothing but more glorification of a stupid label. I can’t wait for this fall, the new show, “Old Stallion”,  where grandpas date barely legal young girls from Sheboygan.
  Life hack, cooking hack, cleaning hack, nutrition hack, parenting hack, exercise hack and any one and all of the countless popular uses of the term hack, just sad, SMH, really people, how special do you need to feel about yourself, as you do simple tasks, if you add the word hack, does it make you feel dangerous or maybe like a secret agent. I say it just makes you sound like a douche.
  Can we please have an end to blogs, posts or tweets about President Obama’s impeachment or resignation, get over it, a black man is President, and the worst one ever.
(President, not black man).
There are a few trendy fitness, health terms and/or exercise names I couldn’t ever be more tired of, burpees, core, planks, zumba, organic, gluten free, and absolutely anything Yoga. These expressions all must go the route of the dinosaurs. You may keep the pants, but only if you really look good in them. Lies from husbands,loved ones and anyone else in your little sycophantic yes group do not count. Men and especially using the self descriptive “Beast mode”, there is a very good chance you are not one nor do you work out like one, so just stop it. Please feel free to use terms like slug, sloth, mouse, and the always popular couch potato, all of which likely describes you much better.
In 2015, there should be an across the board ban on public apologies, they are meaningless, rarely heartfelt and change absolutely nothing. Instead of apologies, if you believe you wronged a person, apologize in person privately. It’s time to put an end to the false notion that you can offend or need to apologize to a group. If you are one of those who find yourself offended by everything, instead of trying to change the world to suit your needs exercise your rights and tune it out, turn it off or walk away.
Bacon everything, is this artery clogging shit necessary, it jumped the shark for me, immediately after bacon wrapped scallops. When they came out wit bacon ice cream sundaes I merely wanted to vomit. Bacon is tasty but please it isn’t the delight that Wall street believes it is, a novelty I want to fade sooner than later.
Man Cave, this is an shame term. Are you sure you want to continue this one, surely you do not believe your basement, garage or little 10 × 10 space your overbearing battle ax of a wife allows you to hide from her in, is even remotely as glamorous as the Batcave, you are delusional. So either take control of your life or sit in your little nest in shame, but don’t even try to sell me this man cave crapola, I ain’t buying.
Female sports fanatics, I can’t in good conscience shorten this to fan, because fanatics are what they are, shrill cackling lunatics who over compensate for being female with over the top sports talk and loyalty proclamations. I know some women actually are fans but unfortunately not enough to let them continue.
Metro sexual was a nice way of describing a regular Joe who hasn’t yet realized he was gay or at the very least he’s on the down low. There are far too many sexual type hyphens; Pan, Trans, homo and the ever popular asexual, which I call “ugly”. The latest being lumber sexual, I will leave this up to your brilliant imagination, but it has to do with flannel and a beard, and no its not lesbianism. These all must go and I suggest we stick to male and female, and “other” for the gender confused.
Moving on now to our God fearing brethren and “sistren”, probably not a word but I like the way it sounds. Can I get a praise God or an Amen, for those who endlessly give their choice of mythological creator credit for everything good that happens, yet hypocritically neglect to point out he would then also be responsible directly or indirectly for all bad things that has ever transpired. Their answer when questioned, a typical robotic, “it is all part of his plan” or an equally lame, “god works in mysterious ways”.  I’m not bashing here just looking for a little consistency here, just a tiny bit.
Facial hair, like yoga pants is not a look for everyone, now shave it off you hipster jackass, and while your at it, throw out those fake eyeglasses and skinny jeans. You are obnoxious in your attempt but failure at irony.
“BFF”, which stands for Best Friends Forever, the thing most adolescent girls change like their older counterparts change shoe. This BFF phenomena almost never exists outside silly rom coms or trashy chick lit, it is a deceptive empty proclamation at worst and wishful thinking at best. Every time you hear a vomits gag, it means another middle-aged woman has used this simplistic juvenile term. Men never use this BFF stuff, if they did, they wouldn’t be men, and after all they have the testicle shrinking man cave, man crush and man purse, aren’t they emasculating enough?
I used to love clouds, all fluffy and white, different shapes and all, even the black thunder heads are kind of calming. This new shit, “the cloud” is the ultimate in nerd speaking vagueries, and yet hundreds of millions trust it with all their info, private or otherwise. Let’s start with, why, why are you content with an outside party collecting your photos, passwords, personal emails and much much more. Have you ever flown through a cloud, not to tangible or secure is it? Sometimes the cloud lands on the highway in the form of fog, and bam, tiny molecules of my information everywhere. So let’s put an end to the “cloud” and use the phrase “off sight secure server”, there, isn’t that better. Screw the cloud!
I hope your 2015 is filled with Health, Happiness, prosperity and not even the smallest amount of the herd mentality that brought us this silly list. Happy New Year!
   ~ Nick Pensabene

Advertisements